


The battle of Hastings

by superwholocked_wizard



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (duh), F/M, Someone - Freeform, The Doctor - Freeform, The Eleventh Doctor - Freeform, They're all crazy, Time Travel, amy is a cool mum, amy is a mother, fite me on this, fun times, give the doctor a break, kill the kind of england, river gets married, river in a wedding dress, river is bisexual, river is crazy, river is sassy, river song keeps getting married, the doctor and river are goals, the doctor gets mad, the doctor just wants to relax, the doctor needs a break, they kill a king, where's rory, where's rory gone?, wizard of oz style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholocked_wizard/pseuds/superwholocked_wizard
Summary: All the Doctor wanted was a nice quiet day in Hastings of 2017, go to a pub, read a book, relax in a way without having to worry about a save the world situation. Well, he did end up in Hastings, just not 2017, and you’ll never guess who called for him.





	The battle of Hastings

**Author's Note:**

> yo my first doctor who fic!
> 
> as always, first posted on: www.ao3-hipster-fangirl-trash.tumblr.com 
> 
> or ao3-hipster-fangirl-trash
> 
> anyway, enjoy!
> 
> sophie xx

Trying to get a break was hard for someone who was an outlaw in basically half of the universe, so when the Doctor found a pub in the south of Hastings where no one actually knew him, he was overjoyed, he could go for a drink without anyone shooting at him!

Amy, however, was less than impressed.

“Its Hastings!” her groans had filled the T.A.R.D.I.S. for the past hour, as the Doctor shuffled around pressing this and that, the sounds of the machine finally making her landing on the British Soil.

“Yeah! Innit great!” His eyes were positively glowing, before this, it had been an almost deadly mission to the cascades of medusa, where they met a tour of various creatures who were taking a gap year. One of them tried taking the ship into the physical cascade and chaos ensued, so the Doctor was reaaaaalllyyyy looking forwards to a relaxing getaway in Hastings. 

Of course, knowing the Doctor, even a relaxing getaway in Hastings can go completely wrong.

As the Doctor opened to door, he looked out on a field, but not in 2017, no, this was Hastings in 1066.

He looked down upon a rally of soldiers gathered around the T.A.R.D.I.S. all of them looking thoroughly appalled and somewhat terrified by the blue box. Most of them looking to the base, where a pair of feet were peeking out from underneath, clad in boots, with a crown scattered off to the side.

One soldier in the front raised his spear towards the door, where an odd man with tight fitting clothes and an odd little butterfly on his throat.

“You killed our king.” well, shit.

The Doctor, realising his mistake, began to bumble about ‘fine tuning the landing equipment’ and ‘navigational issues’ with a gang of angry soldiers gathering in front of him, feeling a great need to get back in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and tell Amy to punch it, until he heard a familiar voice shouting over the rackett:

“There you are!”

He turned to look over the mob of soldiers who had frozen, all of them stiff as bricks, to see a familiar curly haired woman wearing an extremely poofy dress, considering this was a battlefield, and an extravagant headpiece, which was made of material, and was woven into her hair, decorated with what seemed to be herbs and spices.

“I’ve been waiting for DAYS for you to show up, thank gods you’ve finally decided to join the fun.”

River Song, or Melody Pond, was wading through the crowd of onlookers, seeing their completely shocked faces as they realised that the man in the blue box and lady in the funny dress knew each other, not only that, they were friends?

River stopped just outside the doors of the T.A.R.D.I.S, kicking off a pair of very uncomfortable looking shoes and holding her hand out to the Doctor.

“Lets leave shall we darling?” The Doctor was stood in complete awe and fear, slightly apprehensive of the hand that was extended towards him.

“Your majesty?” one of the soldiers walked forwards, his hand on his sword’s hilt, looking warily at the Doctor, his eye trained on the sonic screwdriver clenched tightly in his fist.

“Your majesty! What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” River gave him a sly smile, gesturing to the white gown with a train, each pattern woven in with gold and intricate portfolio of her own face, and that of a mans

“Well, I was going to get married today, but it seems you’ve squashed my husband,” the Doctor gave her an incredulous look of complete disbelief, looking her in the eye.

“I AM YOUR HUSBAND!”

“Hush now you’ll give me away.” 

He kept looking at her, his eyes wide, his mouth hung open in shock, and his hands gesturing wildly.

“Darling you’re overreacting, its not like you’ve never done anything like this.”

He glared at her, simply fuming, Amy, who was stood right behind him swore to this day that she had seen smoke coming out from his ears.

“Wow, you look pissed,” she said, peeking her head out from behind him, giving her daughter a little nod of acknowledgement.

“I’m not pissed, I’m hurt,” he shot back, keeping his eyes trained on River the whole time, “That my wife goes around marrying whomever.”

He got a nod from River, who hoisted up her dress, pushed past him, gave a little wave to the soldiers and shot into the T.A.R.D.I.S.

The Doctor followed suit, muttering under his breath about redheads and ‘those god damned wedding dresses,’ as a gaggle of confused soldiers watched him roll his eyes and slam the door, looking to each other in order to confirm that they weren’t dreaming this experience.

As the T.A.R.D.I.S. vanished, leaving behind a squashed king and a few confused dark ages warriors, one man called out:

“Mi’lady, what are we to do now?”

Across the expanse of time, at a pub in 2017, a whirring sound came from outside one of the parking spaces, in the exact area where they had found a king, in a carpark, and coincidentally, the same area where he was squashed with a strange blue box that had been claimed to come from the sky.

“YOU GOT MARRIED!”

A strange man fell out of a blue box, his bow tie askew and a fez places on his scalp as his method of creating calm, when in fact it just made him look far more strange than usual.

“No darling, you came just in time.” 

A woman followed, a beautiful white and gold dress hugging her, with jewels shining around her neck and her ears, catching the light perfectly, her curly hair captured under some sort of cloth, and her gown puffing out so much it could have come out of a medieval fairy tale.

“Am I crazy to think that IF I hadn’t come along, you would have married him?”

“You’re not crazy.”

A redhead pushed herself out, responding to the fez man, pulling her leather jacket closer around her, and rubbing her legs, trying to warm them up in the cold Hastings winter air.

“NOT HELPING AMELIA.” Amy gave him a quirky eyebrow, staring him down until he looked away, turning to his wife instead.

“How many people exactly, are you married to?”

River began to count on her fingers, muttering as she went, counting up, till her fingers were full, then putting them back down and starting again on the same hand, her eyes cast up, trying to figure out the exact sum.

“Well, somewhere on the vicinity of 13, 3 of them you, and 10 of them to save my skin, so if you’re going to chastises me then remember, I’m alive because of this.”

“Wait, 3 of me?”

River gave a little smile, walking up to him, her dress pressing against him, and almost engulfing him.

“You’re quite a fun lady darling.”

The Doctor blushed, burying his neck into her shoulder, his fez askew, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Ugh, I’m going to get a drink.” Amy announced, turning on heel and making her way to the pub across the road, skipping slightly as she went.

“You know, I worry about you, she does too.” At this, River brought her hand up to the back of his neck, running her hand through his hair, pulling him closer.

“Hush pet, I’m alright, you know that.”

They embraced for a little longer, River playing with the Doctors hair, not even bothering to remove his fez this time. Just standing there in mutual embrace. It was a nice change from the usual chaos and crazy they experienced, so much so that just standing together was a nice change of pace.

She drew away from him, holding him at half an arms length away, before drawing him in for a sweet kiss, gently melting into him, and letting herself be weak for a moment, to which he responded by holding her just a little tighter, wringing his hand in her hair, before pulling away and resting his forehead on hers, his eyes half lidded, just as hers were, breathless with a little smile on his face, lighting up his features.

“You know I love you darling, don’t you?” He opened his eyes to see River looking up at him, her lipstick slightly smudged, hair falling in her eyes and a slight gleam in her eye, making the Doctor’s hearts soar.

“Of course I do darling, but I do love you more.”

She gave him a tsk, giving him a little tap on the cheek.

“We’ll see about that darling.”


End file.
